Filled with wonder, awestruck wonder
At the mention of your name
Jesus your name is power
Breath, and living water
Such a marvelous mystery
lyrics by Jenny Lee Riddle
I would love to tell you that we got right on the process of adopting our fifth child but our focus soon began on getting a new swimming pool. It did not take long before God decided to teach me another lesson through my kids-a lesson of obedience.
It was a day in May of 2009 when I walked into my girl's room to find them making a Christmas List. I was livid. How dare they make a Christmas List when we had just had Christmas and there were so many children in orphanages who didn't even have one toy. I made sure to let them know it then picked up my laundry basket and stomped out. As I am stomping to the laundry room, I am still mumbling to myself, "They have so much stuff that they don't even know what to do with it. I can't believe they made a Christmas List in May." Just when I was thinking that I hope they feel guilty after my speech, God spoke to my heart and said, "You mean like your "List" with a pool on it instead of going to get your child who has no toys in an orphanage in China." I was TOTALLY convicted. "Oh yeah, I see what You are saying" and immediately went back to the girl's room. I told them the Lord had convicted me of doing something similar and so we both need to work on not focusing so much on "things". I told Chris the story. Chris and I both rationalize that we could start both, build a pool and start the adoption process even when we both knew, in our hearts, we wouldn't be able to.
God even gave me a second warning after we went to look at a pool that had a giant waterfall, a 10 person jacuzzi and huge outdoor fireplace. It was GORGEOUS. I told Chris that I would love to have a pool like that-the kind that leaves you awestruck. I felt God speak to my heart that He doesn't want people to look at my pool and be awestruck. He wants people to look at my life, be awestruck by Him and what He is doing through my life. I was totally convicted again and shared it with Chris. We both agreed it was wrong but then rationalized that we couldn't afford an awestruck pool anyway. We would just settle for a pool without all the "bells and whistles". God knew our hearts and allowed us to disobey but we would soon learn that we would suffer the consequences for it. In case, we might question whether the circumstances were consequences, He made sure something happened everyday that related to the pool. First of all, I became neurotic about every detail because we were still spending so much money even without the "bells and whistles". Second of all, something crazy, literally, almost happened everyday. By the end of of the project, hating myself and everyone around me, I finally realized it was time to do what God had called us to do, ask for forgiveness and to obey.
I praise Him that His mercies are new every morning when I fail Him and that He will move heaven and earth to bring a child home despite my selfishness. "Because of the Lords’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness" (Lamentation 3:22-23). I also realized that NOTHING on this earth will leave us awestruck like the wonders and love of God. My children are evidence of His amazing love and how He transformed their lives. "Many, Lord my God, are the wonders You have done, the things You planned for us. None can compare with You; were I to speak and tell of Your deeds, they would be too many to declare" (Psalm 40:5).
It was a day in May of 2009 when I walked into my girl's room to find them making a Christmas List. I was livid. How dare they make a Christmas List when we had just had Christmas and there were so many children in orphanages who didn't even have one toy. I made sure to let them know it then picked up my laundry basket and stomped out. As I am stomping to the laundry room, I am still mumbling to myself, "They have so much stuff that they don't even know what to do with it. I can't believe they made a Christmas List in May." Just when I was thinking that I hope they feel guilty after my speech, God spoke to my heart and said, "You mean like your "List" with a pool on it instead of going to get your child who has no toys in an orphanage in China." I was TOTALLY convicted. "Oh yeah, I see what You are saying" and immediately went back to the girl's room. I told them the Lord had convicted me of doing something similar and so we both need to work on not focusing so much on "things". I told Chris the story. Chris and I both rationalize that we could start both, build a pool and start the adoption process even when we both knew, in our hearts, we wouldn't be able to.
God even gave me a second warning after we went to look at a pool that had a giant waterfall, a 10 person jacuzzi and huge outdoor fireplace. It was GORGEOUS. I told Chris that I would love to have a pool like that-the kind that leaves you awestruck. I felt God speak to my heart that He doesn't want people to look at my pool and be awestruck. He wants people to look at my life, be awestruck by Him and what He is doing through my life. I was totally convicted again and shared it with Chris. We both agreed it was wrong but then rationalized that we couldn't afford an awestruck pool anyway. We would just settle for a pool without all the "bells and whistles". God knew our hearts and allowed us to disobey but we would soon learn that we would suffer the consequences for it. In case, we might question whether the circumstances were consequences, He made sure something happened everyday that related to the pool. First of all, I became neurotic about every detail because we were still spending so much money even without the "bells and whistles". Second of all, something crazy, literally, almost happened everyday. By the end of of the project, hating myself and everyone around me, I finally realized it was time to do what God had called us to do, ask for forgiveness and to obey.
I praise Him that His mercies are new every morning when I fail Him and that He will move heaven and earth to bring a child home despite my selfishness. "Because of the Lords’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness" (Lamentation 3:22-23). I also realized that NOTHING on this earth will leave us awestruck like the wonders and love of God. My children are evidence of His amazing love and how He transformed their lives. "Many, Lord my God, are the wonders You have done, the things You planned for us. None can compare with You; were I to speak and tell of Your deeds, they would be too many to declare" (Psalm 40:5).
"The whole earth is filled with awe
at Your wonders;
where morning dawns, where evening fades,
You call forth songs of joy."
Psalm 65:8
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