Before the Morning

Would you dare to believe

that you still have a reason to sing,

'Cause the pain you've been feeling,

can't compare to the joy that's coming

lyrics by Josh Wilson

Photo: Ian Le Bourque

On January 12, 2010, after enduring "labor pains" in the middle of the night, Chris and I decided to still look at the new Waiting Children's List for China that would be posted at our agency's website at 12:00 p.m. that day. We prayed that God would show us if we were suppose to adopt a child from the list. He had planned our family before time began and NOTHING could change that. This was our first time with this agency so we really did not know what to expect when the list came out. We had to leave our house at 12:15 p.m. in order to make an ultrasound appointment at our doctor's office in Atlanta. We really only had 15 minutes to look at the list and contact the agency. After the list was posted, Chris wanted to start at the bottom of the list and, immediately, was drawn to a little boy who would be two on October 8th. His special need was that he had a deformity of his right external ear. The right ear was completely closed and it had not fully formed. I asked Chris if he wanted to look at his medical file. He said, "YES!!!" I asked him if he was sure that he didn't want to look at the whole list. He yelled, "NO! Email the agency NOW". The list was posted at 12:00 p.m. and I emailed the agency at 12:03 p.m. After that, we had to leave the rest to God because we had to leave for my doctor's appointment in Atlanta.

We, literally, made it to our doctor's appointment right on time. After the ultrasound, my doctor told me that the medicine had not worked. She told me that I would have to take another dose tonight. I could not contain myself and burst out crying. There was NO WAY I could take that medicine again. She told me that she would give me only one pill instead of three and that I should be okay. On the way home, I was so discouraged to know that I had endured all that pain for nothing. Now I might go through it again and it still might not work. I was completely terrified.

When I got home, I checked to see if our agency had emailed us. They did and told us, "Thank you, your name is on the wait list for this child. You are second, only one family ahead of you and they are currently reviewing the information." Our previous adoption agency that closed down would allow two families to look at a child's file. If both families wanted to pursue the child then they would pray about what family was best for the child then make a decision. I did not know what to expect with our current agency but I knew now that only one family could look at a child's file. The family would have to have his medical file reviewed by a pediatrician which could take a couple of weeks. After that, I knew that they would most likely pursue him. Chris and I were disappointed and confused about everything. What I really wanted to do was just fall to the ground and weep about everything that had happened over the past several months.

That night, Chris and I were talking in the office while I was sitting at the computer. At 7:33 p.m., I received an email from our agency that said, "Hello, we have just learned the first family on the list for this child will need a waiver, therefore they are not eligible at this time. You are the next family on the list." I screamed and told Chris the good news. The next day, we had his medical file reviewed by our pediatrician which is required before you can pursue an adoption. He called us within hours to speak to us about his ear deformity but said that he looked healthy. God reminded me of the stanza in the poem, A Child's Desire, I had written, These are the desires of a broken heart, Of a child who has some missing parts, God has heard and sees his plight, And will fulfill with all his might. We were so elated at what God had done and emailed our agency to tell them we wanted to pursue the adoption of this little boy. Since we had not yet given him a name, I mentioned several names and their meanings to Chris. I was drawn to the name Ian which means "God is gracious". When I mentioned the name to Chris, he said that he would think about it but the kids loved it.

Later that same evening, the kids prayed for Ethan, the boy with the heart condition and in the same orphanage as Ian, like they did every night. They were constantly praying that he would not die. I tried to gently let them know he was probably in heaven with Jesus but they continued to pray for him because we did not know for sure. As they were saying Ethan (E-than), I realized that it sounded similar to Ian (E-an). Suddenly, I felt God speak to my heart and say that even though things did not work out like I had expected with Ethan and the baby, He is gracious and blessed us with Ian. "Yet the LORD longs to be GRACIOUS to you; therefore He will rise up to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!" (Isaiah 30:18). I told Chris and we both agreed that Ian was his name and thanked God again for this little boy, our son, who God had planned for our family before he ever took his first breath.

"Weeping may last through the night,

but joy comes with the morning."

Psalm 30:5