The Voice of Truth

The voice of Truth says "Do not be afraid"
The voice of Truth says "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will chose to listen and believe

the voice of Truth
lyrics by Steven Curtis Chapman/Mark Hall

On April 26, 2009, my only concern was whether God was truly calling us to home school. During a sermon entitled, "How Big Is Your God" by Randy Gravitt, I was begging God to confirm, ONE MORE TIME, what we were suppose to do. Well, He did speak but not in the way I was expecting. Let me go back to the day before. Lili, who was six at the time, had found a Chinese bracelet while we were dusting her room. I told her it was given to me by one of the mothers in our group who had all went to China together when we adopted her. Of course, Lili, who loves jewelry, wanted it. She is very sentimental and keeps every love note or birthday card so you can imagine how much this bracelet meant to her. During the sermon, Lili put the Chinese bracelet on my wrist. At that moment, God spoke to my heart that there were five wooden beads on the bracelet that represented my five children from China. In a split second, I responded, "But I only have four children...." Then I felt God speak to my heart again that He wanted us to go back for the fifth child. I said, "How will I be able to home school if we go back now?" This time there was no answer. I was in shock. Don't get me wrong. I knew we were going back. I just never thought so soon. We had just gotten home with Joseph in July 2008. It had not even been a full year yet.

After the service, I saw a very close friend of mine who was also planning to home school for the first time starting in August of 2009. My friend told me she felt like God had spoken to her during the service that she was going to have another child. She said she told Him, "Then how am I going to home school?" I was totally floored and said, "You are not going to believe this but I felt like God said the same thing to me." I held up my wrist to show her the bracelet. Without explaining anything, she yells, "FIVE beads!" and we both started crying. God is so amazing! You see, my friend has been on this journey with me from the very beginning before I had kids. She is one of my dearest friends who I would cry to when I had felt God saying I was going to have children but I never got pregnant. What I did not know at the time was that He would give me children through adoption and not in the way I expected. Of course, that is how God is. He never does what you imagine. He always does so much more than you imagine. He is the GREATEST storyteller of your life, better than any movie or novel written, and will always keep you wanting more, hanging on to the edge of your seat. "All my days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be" (Psalm 139:16).

I forgot to mention that by the end of the sermon, Randy Gravitt said, "Is God asking you to lay down something and pick something else up?" I knew it was time to lay down my agenda for our family and pick up God's agenda for our family--to home school. I do not believe that He calls every family to home school but only what He believes is best for your family. Chris and I had finally decided to trust God that He knew what was best for our family and just do it. I had tried many times to tell Him that there was NO WAY I could do this. In the past, I had even told people that were going to home school, "God would have to give me a burning bush experience before I would home school." Instead, it burned in my heart. He would not let up. I tried to tell Him what a bad influence I was and that they already had picked up my bad habits. What would happen if they were with me all day? I did not want them to be mini-mes with all my quirks. I felt like God was saying to my heart, "I know you cannot do it. I know you are not perfect but I know you can do it through My strength (Phil 4:13). I am not asking you to be perfect. I am asking you to trust the One who is perfect and point your children to Me. Yes, apart from Me you can do NOTHING. With Me, you can do all things for My glory" (John 15:5-8).

Believe me, God picks people like me, weak and ordinary, so He can show His glory (I Corinthians 1:26-31). Then everyone is saying, "Well, we know Tanya could not do this so it has to be God." Sometimes, I forget that it is God doing it through me. I try to home school in my own strength when I get "too busy" to stop and be still before God. It does not take long before I am in a heap crying saying, "I can't do this!" God is so gentle. He picks me up and shows me a lesson through my son, Joseph. One day, he was crying about something he could not do. I reminded him that he does not have to cry about it. He just needs to say, "Please, help me," and I will help him. I felt God saying to my heart, "That goes for you, too." Instead of crying saying, 'I can't do this,' just say 'God, please help me,' the next time you are having a hard time." It made me laugh. I never could understand why Joseph would just cry in frustration instead of asking for help when I was right there beside him. God was letting me know that He is also right there beside me every moment of the day. All I need to do is ask Him for help. "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak" (Isaiah 40:29).

On the ride home, I told Chris everything that had happened during and after the service. He told me that he also felt God was speaking to him about the same things during the service. After God had revealed Himself in such a HUGE way, we decided we would move forward to home school and also start the process of adopting our fifth child. There were so many fears and insecurities in my head that day but I had to make a choice---to listen to the voice of Truth and believe that God is so much bigger than my weaknesses. "I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.....And I will ask the Father and He will give you another Counselor to be with you forever--the Spirit of truth (Holy Sprit)" (John 14:6,16-17).