You're Not Alone

You're not alone for I am here

Let me wipe away every fear

I've never left your side

I have seen you through the darkest night

lyrics by Meredith Andrews

Photo: Confetti (snow) from Heaven to celebrate Jesus' Birthday on Christmas Night.

Praise God!!! Chris did finally passed something through his intestines and was able to hold down food. On Tuesday, December 21, 2010, we were able to leave the hospital. It was so good to be back at home and the kids were thrilled to see him. Even though Ian was happy to see Chris, you could tell he was mad at his daddy for "leaving" him. He was definitely giving him the cold shoulder for most of the day. When Chris was still in the hospital, I had taken the kids up to the hospital for about twenty minutes one day to see him. Ian probably thought Chris was in a hotel like in China instead of coming home to see him. I could also relate because I had felt like God was on vacation when Chris was put in the hospital when we just got back from China.

Later that day, Chris was sitting in the living room and Ian walked by and threw something at him. He was not playing around. I would tell Ian "no" and put him in time out for two minutes in his crib. As soon as Ian was out, he would pick up another toy or book and throw it at Chris. He would always pick up something heavy and it always landed on Chris' stomach. The process repeated itself until Chris finally spanked his hand. Chris barely touch him but Ian's heart broke in two. He fell to the ground and wailed. I knew that he was crying because he didn't understand why Chris had left him for so long and he was hurt. While Ian was still crying, Chris put his arms around him and kissed him. Ian looked up at him and stopped crying. At that moment, Ian knew that his daddy still loved him. I only wished Ian could have known how hard Chris has pushed himself to get home to them. It also made me realize how hard my heavenly Father had worked this past week to make me see that He was there the whole time, had never left my side and that He loved me. "The LORD Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged" (Deuteronomy 31:8).

The Joy of the Lord

The joy of the Lord will be my strength

He will uphold me all of my days

I am surrounded by mercy and grace

The joy of the Lord is my strength

lyrics by Twilia Paris

Photo: Our family celebrating Jesus' Birthday.

Chris did make it through the entire hour and half gallbladder test laying flat on his back without any pain medicine and without throwing up. The test revealed what Chris has been saying the entire year. Chris' gallbladder was functioning only at one percent. Dr. Winger decided to remove his gallbladder and do a laparoscopic surgery to find out what was causing the blockage because he didn't think that the two had anything to do with the other. The next morning, Friday, December 17, 2010, the day of surgery, Chris' mom came to the hospital along with Susan Rine, my mom's best friend. Susan kept us laughing the whole time so it seemed like time flew by. She also told me that on her way to the hospital, she reminded God that He cared for the birds of the air and so how much more He cared for Chris. As she was driving, she asked God to show her a bird as she was looking in the trees along the side of the road. All of a sudden, a very plain, uncolorful bird flew directly in front of her windshield. She knew that it was God confirming to her that if He cared for a bird that the world would not notice, how much more would He care for Chris.

When Dr. Winger finally came out of surgery, the first thing he said was that Chris was okay and I was so thankful. He also said that when they first opened Chris up that their hearts dropped because they thought he had cancer but found no masses or cancer. Dr. Winger showed us a photo of the blocked area and it, literally, looked like someone had skinned that section of his intestines because it was so red and raw looking. Chris' mom had to explain everything later to me because I didn't hear anything after Dr. Winger said that Chris would probably have to stay in the hospital for five to six days. It felt like a punch to the gut. I couldn't believe that we had just gotten back from China after spending eighteen days away from our kids and now we were going to have to stay in the hospital for almost a week. I wanted to break down right there in the floor but didn't only by the grace of God. Dr. Winger had also mentioned that because the intestines were so inflamed that he had also nicked Chris' intestines causing a small hole. They decided to clamp that area to stitch later, continue with the surgery and make a five inch incision near his belly button in order to take care of the blockage. Later, we learned that bile had leak into his body because of the small hole. Praise God that the nick happened near Chris' stomach rather than the colon where there is not as much bacteria. Dr. Winger also told us that Chris would not be able to have anything by mouth, not even ice, until his intestines started working properly again. I learned that anytime you have surgery or trauma to your intestines, your intestines becomes paralyzed and, after time, they will slowly start moving and functioning again. In other words, until Chris passed anything through his intestines, he would not be allowed to have anything by mouth and we would not be able to go home. I knew how close it was to Christmas and I could not even imagine spending more than six days in the hospital. Before Dr. Winger left, he told us that Chris would have a tube up his nose, going down his throat and into his stomach to drain anything that was left into his intestines for at least two days.

After we kept waiting to see Chris, they finally told us to go to Chris' room in the hospital and they would bring him to us. Chris' surgery was at 10:00 a.m., they were done at 12:30 p.m. but he didn't make it to his room until almost 5:00 p.m. I would later find out that he had tachycardia (150 BPM) from the anesthesia. When they finally brought Chris up to me, I was not prepared for how he looked with the tube coming out of his nose. I was surprised that I was able to hold back the tears. The only thing Chris kept complaining about was how dry his throat was and how the tube hurt his throat. We didn't have the heart to tell him that he would have to have it in for two days which I knew would seem like two weeks. About an hour later, to our surprise, the nurse came in and said that Dr. Winger was having her remove the tube going down his throat. I couldn't believe it and busted out crying. Later, Dr. Winger told us that he was able to see the x-rays done after surgery at home (x-rays are computerized now). He said that he saw that the tube was curled at the bottom of his stomach and that it was not working properly so he decided to have it removed. What a wonderful doctor! God is so good!

During our stay, Chris was not able to have any water by mouth. He was allowed to dip small sponges attached to straws into water and place them in his mouth but he could not swallow the water. It was really torture to watch this go on for almost 4 days. He also was not able to sleep because of them constantly checking his vital signs as well as giving him antibiotics around the clock. I would stay with Chris through the day then go home at dinner time to put the kids to bed. Some nights, I would tell my mom I was going to take a thirty minute nap and I would lay in the floor of our bedroom. I knew better than to fall asleep on my bed because I would never wake up. God allowed me to have these little naps so I could think clearly to do payroll for our business one night and also to be able to drive back to hospital without falling asleep. One night before I left to go back to hospital, I read an email from a close friend that she felt like God had given her the verse, "The joy of the Lord is my strength", over and over again concerning us. My friend told me that she knew that I prayed it over Ian but she felt that the Lord had wanted her to pray this over us even before she knew we were in the hospital. Once she learned that Chris was in the hospital, she felt like the Lord wanted her to share the verse with me. She said she hesitated for several days because she felt that it would be insensitive to give me the verse, "The joy of the Lord is my strength" when we were in the hospital. Finally, God would not let up so she decided to send it to me. When I received her email, I knew that the joy of the Lord is my strength did not mean what I had always thought-to have the joy of the Lord on my face as I was going through this and, by doing so, this would give me strength. I told God that I wanted to "see" and "feel" what the "joy of the Lord is my strength" looks like.

That same night at the hospital, Chris woke up in pain, telling me that he felt like he was going insane from being in the room and was afraid we would never get out of there . The doctor had encouraged him earlier to walk the hospital because it can help the intestines to start to move but Chris was in so much pain from surgery that he could barely walk. I just sat there on my little sofa bed in hospital and didn't say a word. I was too exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally to even encourage him. All I could pray was, "God, please help us." Another close friend told me that God had woken her up to pray for us at that exact time. About thirty minutes later, we tried to go back to bed but Chris yells out that he thinks he has bowel sounds. I leaped from my bed and put my ear to his stomach. When I heard the noises in his stomach, I shouted, "THANK YOU, GOD!" Chris immediately wanted to get out of bed and walk the hospital so that things would continue to move. It was 4:00 a.m. but Chris was ready to roll. Earlier, I could not even get off the bed and now I was ready to do sprints around the hospital. At that moment, God said, "This is what the joy of the Lord looks like." I realized that our circumstances had not changed, that we were still in the hospital, Chris still had not passed anything through his intestines but he had given us joy at that moment so that we would have the strength, His strength, to move forward in the battle. He would show many more "the joy of the Lord is my strength" moments as you prayed and fasted for Chris' healing, emailed prayer teams, visited us in the hospital, prayed for us in the middle of the night, sent us words of encouragement, brought food to the hospital, bought me lunch at the hospital, prepared meals to feed our family, delivered payroll checks to our employees, brought little gifts to Chris to encourage him, took our trash to the curb, cleaned our pool, took care of our yard in the bitter cold which all helped my parents, who I am so thankful for, to be able to take care of my children. Thank you for allowing God to use your time, your words, your hands and feet to give us strength when we were so weak. "Your love has given me great joy and encouragement" (Philemon 1:7).

Trust In Me

I know that the questions are real

And the fears that you feel are strong

Still My heart is longing for you to try Me

You've got to trust in Me

lyrics by Charles Billingsley

Photo: The kids visit Chris at the hospital.

On Wednesday, December 15, 2010, I had to take Sami to the doctor to get her eyes checked. She had been telling me that she could not see clearly at a distance. I had made the appointment months before we had gone to China. Now I was wondering why I had scheduled it so soon after we returned from China. I could barely keep my eyes open so I decided I would read a book that I had received, Tortured for Christ, while we were waiting. This book definitely woke me up because it was about the life of Richard Wurmbrand who endured physical, mental and emotional torture during his imprisonments in his homeland of Romania for telling others about the love of Jesus Christ. While imprisoned, he would tell the other prisoners about Jesus even if it meant that he would be beaten and tortured with hot iron pokers or by other cruel means. He was also practically starved to death by only being allowed to have one piece a bread a WEEK. Many times, he would give his bread to someone who was suffering more than him. He also told how some of his torturers would tell him that they were the devil and have such joy as he cried out in pain. What was remarkable was that Richard would endure all of this and still have a strong desire to preach the gospel to others so that they might know Christ. I told God I didn't understand it. After reading how they were horrifically tortured, I just could not comprehend how Richard and so many others in the book had a desire to still continue to tell others about the love of Jesus Christ. I would soon learn that night that God would show me just a glimpse of how this was possible.

By that afternoon, I could hardly function since I had been up with Ian in the middle of the night again. I told Chris that I was going to take a thirty minute nap before we went to his mom's house for dinner. Chris never woke me up and took the kids himself to his mom's house. I woke up five hours later after hearing the kids return and couldn't believe that I had slept so long. Chris told me that he felt sick at his stomach so I went ahead and put the kids to bed. Within a few hours, Chris was on the bathroom floor in serious pain. When Chris mentioned that he wanted to go to the ER, I knew he had to be in some severe pain. Late that evening, I called my parents to come over to watch the kids. When we got to the ER, Chris' pain intensified even more and I was so thankful that this was not happening in China. They immediately brought him back to draw blood and had him drink a contrast in order for him to have a CT Scan. After he drank the solution, he had to wait two hours before he could have the CT Scan. They gave him pain medicine that was stronger than morphine so he could sleep. Chris' whole body relaxed then he slowly passed out. It was one o'clock in the morning and I thanked God for allowing me to be able to take such a long nap that day or I would have been in the bed beside him. While we were waiting, I remembered that I had left the book, Tortured for Christ, in my van. I decided to read it while Chris was asleep. As I was reading it, I looked up at Chris who was sleeping now. He had been in so much pain like he was being "tortured". I knew this was no accident that all this was happening right after we got back from China. We had been praising God for all He had done in our lives and there was no way that the enemy was going to allow it. He always tries to break your spirit and steal your joy so that you will no longer have the strength or the desire to want to praise God and tell others of His amazing love.

After the two hour waiting period, Chris went to have the CT Scan and the nurse told me that it should take only a hour for the results. Two hours later, I questioned why we had not received the results. The nurse told me that a surgeon had been called but that was all she could tell us. Finally, the surgeon, Dr. Winger, came in the room and told us that Chris had a blockage in his intestines but they had no idea what was causing the blockage. Chris mentioned that he had been having problems with his gallbladder but that the doctor he had been seeing had performed several tests and insisted that it was not his gallbladder. Dr. Winger decided to run a very thorough test on Chris' gallbladder but he would have to be off pain medicine for 4 hours. This was HUGE because Chris was in incredible pain. Dr. Winger also decided to have him admitted into the hospital that morning. During the next four hours, Chris threw up several times because of the pain but, by the grace of God, he made it and was ready to take the test. Because Chris was in a lot of pain, I wanted to be with him when he went down to have the test. The nurse told me that they would be coming to get him in a few minutes. I wanted to get a Sprite because I was so thirsty but I didn't have any cash on me. The cafeteria was downstairs and I could use my credit card but I knew I would not make it back in time before they took Chris for his test. I was hoping that I could scrape up enough change in my purse to get a Sprite from the Coke machine on our floor of the hospital. Every time I would questioned God about why He was allowing this to happen when we had just gotten back from China, He would say, "Trust Me." I decided that I was going to start by trusting God to give me something to drink before we had to go down to take the test. I thought maybe when I got to the Coke machine, I would have some change hidden in my purse that didn't know about. When I got there, I dropped my purse and began to search frantically for change. After I searched every nook and cranny of my purse, I stood up, stomped my foot like a little child and told God silently, "I knew it. You told me to trust You. You own the entire Universe and I can't even get a Sprite to drink." At that moment, a man enters and says, "Do you want to buy a drink?" and hands me two dollars. I am holding the two dollars in my hand and I am in total shock. I told the man, "You don't have to do that." He said, "Don't' worry about it. I want to buy you a drink." I could hardly talk trying to hold back the tears but I was able to say, "Thank you!" I looked at the Coke machine. It had Cokes in cans for seventy-five cents but the Sprites were in bottles and cost a dollar and twenty-five cents. God had the man give me two dollars so I was able to buy a Sprite. I was so overwhelmed with God's love for me. He was showing me that I could trust Him even for a Sprite to drink so how much more could I trust Him with Chris and all my other fears.

"My heart trusts in Him, and I am helped.

My heart leaps for joy and

I will give thanks to Him in song."

Psalm 28:6-7

He Never Sleeps

And He never sleeps, He never slumbers

He never tires of hearing our prayer

When we are weak, He becomes stronger

So rest in His love and cast all of your cares

on Him
lyrics by Don Moen

Photos: Ian adjusting to the new time zone.

After three flights, twenty hours of flying time, an active two year old and one amazing God, we made it back to Atlanta on Friday, December 10, 2010. The ride from the airport seemed like an eternity. It actually felt like I was in a dream. When we finally arrived home and were able to see the kids, you could have heard our screams for miles. Ian jumped right in just like he had always been here and the kids just adored him.

We had skyped our kids each day from China so Ian was already familiar with everyone. This was the first time that we had used Skype in China. I don't think I would have survived the 18 days without it. What a blessing it was to be able to see the kids each day. It was also fun for them to be able to show us things you could not see over the phone like drawings, cartwheels, toy guitar playing and dancing.

On our first night home, I begged God for Ian to sleep through the night because I had not slept the night before we left China nor on the flights back home. I knew this would be impossible because Ian was on a totally different time zone. God answered my prayer because Ian slept through the entire night and didn't wake up until eight o'clock the next morning. The following nights were a different story. Ian would wake up in the middle of the night, bright eyed and bushy tailed ready to play. I knew that it would take time to adjust to the new time zone but I was so exhausted. Even so, I also knew that the One who never tires and never sleeps would watch over me, hold me up and not let me stumble nor fall (Psalm 121:3-4).

All I Want

'Cause all I really want for Christmas

Is someone to tuck me in

Tell me I'll never be alone

Someone whose love will never end

lyrics by Steven Curtis Chapman

Photo: Our group in China

On our last night in China I was so full of emotions. I was so ready to be at home in the U.S. but part of my heart will always be in China where our children took their first breath. Each time we have come to China I questioned God why we had to stay so long, always begging him to somehow shorten it. A close friend told me that these were precious gifts of time from God. Time that we had missed that He allowed me to capture with each child in our days in China.

Today, I feel so humbled and blessed that God had a different plan for my life than I ever expected. A plan that would carry us across the other side of the world to comfort a child who desired a family and gave us the joy as the parents of these precious children (Psalm 113:9).

Christmas Gift

This is Angie, again, posting for Tanya.

Chris is HOME!!! Please continue to pray for his recovery as they celebrate this first Christmas with Ian. Tanya will post soon. Merry Christmas!

Surgery! (Chris, NOT Ian)

This is Angie Spradlin, posting for Tanya.

Chris had surgery this morning to remove his gall bladder and relieve a blockage in his intestines. He is expected to be at Piedmont Fayette Hospital for 5-6 days. Please pray for a swift recovery so that he can go home sooner. The kids are too young to visit Chris in the hospital. It's hard for them to be away from Chris and Tanya (who is with him at the hospital) so soon after their return from China. Please pray for Ian as he continues to adjust and for Tanya's parents as they care for the kids.

Fill My Cup

Bread from Heaven

Feed me till I want no more

Fill my cup, fill it up

And make me whole

lyrics by Cece Winans

Photo: William at Harmony House

On our last day in Beijing, we had our guide contact Lily, the Director of Harmony House, to see if we could visit the orphanage in Langfang. Lily told our guide that she was doing business in Beijing and would be happy to pick us up at 1:30 p.m. When we met Lily in the lobby of our hotel, she directed us to the orphanage van. Lily's husband had driven and there were two other ladies sitting in the back of the van. I assumed that they were nannies from the orphanage. Lily told us that they were picking up a little boy who was three years old who also had a ear deformity on the way back to Harmony House. The boy had lived in an orphanage for three years and had lived with a foster family in China for the past three weeks. Lily said that the foster family could not handle the responsibility of another child and an American adoption agency had arranged for Harmony House to pick him up instead of returning him to the same orphanage.

When we arrived at the foster family's apartment building, Lily ran inside to get the boy and I started praying for him. After a few minutes, Lily returned to the van holding the boy. His eyes were filled with terror but he didn't shed a tear. She told me that the foster mom said that the little boy had to hold something in order to fall asleep because he was extremely scared at night. Lily went on to say that he had a horrible experience at his orphanage but didn't say what had happened. When I looked down, I noticed that he was holding a purple toy cup in his tiny hand, his only comfort at that moment. I could not contain the tears and had to look out the window to keep the little boy from seeing me. As we drove for the next forty five minutes, he never moved or made a noise. Lily looked him over and said he looked like a William, his new name while at Harmony House.

When we finally arrived at Harmony House, Lily placed William on the sofa and gave him a few toys to play with. Ian jumped right in and tried to play with him but William was still in shock, motionless, holding firmly onto his little cup. I felt STRONGLY that God wanted me to fill his cup. I had Cheerios in my bag so I filled his cup to the top. William still didn't move. I felt STRONGLY again that God wanted me to fill it until it overflowed with Cheerios. This time, I poured the Cheerios into his cup until they spilled over into his lap. At that moment, the fear left his eyes and he placed one of the Cheerios into his mouth. He slowly began to play with Ian and the other children at the orphanage. After a while, the other children noticed his cup filled with Cheerios. As they came over to him, he handed each of them some of his Cheerios. I was amazed that he was willing to share his cup of Cheerios, his only possession, with the other children. I didn't want him to give all of his Cheerios away so Chris and I started handing out Cheerios to the other children. We couldn't hand them out fast enough. They were gobbling them up. I looked over to check on William and he was still passing out his Cheerios to the other children. I kept reaching over and filling up his cup until it overflowed again. He would eat some more and again give some to the other children.

When it was time to leave, we gave hugs to William and to the other children then waved good-bye to them. At that moment, William broke down and cried. His cry echoed in my heart and is the same cry of all the orphans around the world. "Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted" (Psalm 25:16). I know that God saves those who are crushed in spirit and many times He uses our hands and feet to do it. God has blessed us so much in America that our cups run over and spill into our laps. We think that the extra means that we should keep it to ourselves so we can feel secure about our future instead of giving it to the future. God showed me that just like I kept wanting to fill William's cup because he was giving to the other children, He also wants to do the same with us when we give to others. "Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you" (Luke 6:38).

Tonight, there are so many orphans who are lonely, afraid and holding their "cups" close to their chest and God is saying to us, "Fill their cups until it overflows!" How can we do it? We can fill their cups through adoption, helping families who trying to adopt (http://pathwaytoafrica.blogspot.com/) and by supporting orphanages like Harmony House (http://www.harmonyoutreach.org/) and True Children's Home (http://www.truechildrenshome.org/) who help orphans while they are waiting for their families. My prayer is that we no longer hear the cries of orphans around the world but their songs of joy to the God who "sets the lonely in families," overflows their cups and makes sure goodness and love follow them all the days of their lives (Psalm 68:6, Psalm 23:5-6).

Abba Father

Abba Father, My Defender
You are Holy
And I surrender
For in my weakness
You protect me
lyrics by Shaun Groves

Homesick is the word of the day. We miss our kids, our bed and American food. We have eaten Chinese food for lunch and dinner almost everyday in Beijing. Chris joked that he was going to take our guide back to the U.S. and feed her spaghetti everyday, marinara one day and meat sauce for special occasions, if we ate steamed rice again.

Before we left Beijing, Chris found Outback Steakhouse located in one of the hotels along a main shopping street. Our guide told our group that we could go to Outback for dinner on our own and she would give us a special dinner the next night. I guess that means fried rice. When we finally made it to Outback, we ordered the wings. Chris and I savored every single bite and pretended we were back at home. We also found out that Ian loves their mash potatoes. I think he is tired of the rice, too.

After dinner, we tried to get a taxi, with another family in our group, back to the hotel. Normally, we would have walked but it was FREEZING so we had the hotel call us a taxi. When we got into the taxi, the driver was irate and spoke in broken English that he didn't want children in his taxi. It was normally ten yuan to take us back to the hotel so Chris offered him thirty yuan. The driver still refused and insisted on more money. He also kept yelling in Chinese at the hotel attendants and pointing aggressively at the children. Chris said, "Don't you care about cold babies." He said, "NO!" Chris said, "You are a bad man!" and slammed the door. The driver got out of his taxi, started yelling and coming toward Chris. At this point, we were walking away. When Chris realized the driver was getting out of the taxi, he turned around and stood his ground. I was starting to get nervous because I knew Chris was not playing around. I also knew "Bad Man" didn't stand a chance after messing with the kids. I think he realized it, too, because he got back in his taxi, drove by Chris with the windows rolled up and gave Chris a dirty look. I am sure the doors were locked.

Now looking back, it made me think of how God, our heavenly Father, is the Defender of the weak, the oppressed, the fatherless and afflicted. God, their Helper, sees their trouble and grief. He hears their cries, takes the matter into His hands and will defend them "in order that man, who is of this earth, may terrify them no more" (Psalm 10:14-18).

Faithful to Believe

Is there anything to hard for the Lord?

Is there anything that He can't do?

Is there anything impossible?

Will He withhold any good thing from you, say

NO, NO, NO, NO

lyrics by Bryon Cage

In the past few days, we have gone to the Summer Palace, Beijing Zoo and even saw the Bird's Nest at Olympic Park but my favorite day was when we took a rickshaw ride through the Hutong area of Beijing. While we were in Hutong, we visited with a local family. They showed us their home and taught us how to make Chinese dumplings. The mother of the home said that Chris could make dumplings as good as the Chinese women and gave him two thumbs up. Later, they cooked the dumplings and our group ate together in their home. It was a very unique experience that I will never forget.

In the past week, Ian has also become more and more comfortable with us. He has been running back and forth in our room, "laughing all the way." Everything is merry until we have to say "no" or tell him to "wait" when he wants to go on another adventure. Let's just say that he is not "making spirits bright" in the room when he doesn't get his way. I was starting to get a little concerned with the tantrums and asked God for wisdom about what to do. God reminded me that I do the same thing at times when He tells me "no" or "wait" to what I want Him to do or let me do. It might not be a physical tantrum but it is definitely an emotional one. God also reminded me that, in time, Ian will understand just like I have that He withholds NO good thing and the joy that comes when we trust in Him (Psalm 84:11-12).