'Cause when you are up against the wall
After taking more medicine, several more ultrasounds and painful procedures, my new doctor told me that I was fine. I told her that I didn't feel fine but she assured me that I would feel better in time. No matter how much I wanted to believe her, I knew I was not fine. In fact, we went to Disney with my parents one week later as we had planned and I told my mom that I had destroyed my body by taking the medicine.
After returning from Disney, four days later, I started having pain and would soon learn that I was hemorrhaging. I called my mom so she could watch the kids. This time when she said that I should go to the emergency room, I didn't argue because I knew it was bad. When Chris and I got to the emergency room, he told them what was going on and they immediately took me back to have a nurse look at me. The nurse asked, "So what is going on with you?" At this point, I am in a ball because of the pain and say, "I am worried about losing so much blood." She takes a closer look at me and starts yelling for a doctor. It all seems like a whirlwind or more like a dream. I couldn't believe that I ended up in the emergency just like Chris' Mom had said and, desperately, wished that I had listened to her by having the D&C.
During the whirlwind, the nurse starts asking Chris to tell her exactly what has been going on. She wanted to know doctors, procedures, dates and medicines I had taken. Even though I was in pain, feeling like I was going to pass out, I still was going to try to answer the questions because I really did not think a guy would remember dates, procedures, etc. As I started to answer for Chris even though I could not even remember my own name much less dates, Chris interrupts me and says, "Are you going to let me handle this, Tanya?" Suddenly, I realized that I am always trying to control the situation even when I am bleeding to death. The next thing I knew, Chris is telling the nurse everything that happened over the past month with exact dates, procedures and medicine like he was doctor reading it from my chart. I was stunned because I didn't even know the exact dates because I had been to the doctor so many times. Even while I was in pain, my heart broke because of so many times that I have tried to take over instead of letting him be in charge of the situation.
In the end, it was a long night and I ended up having an emergency D&C. When I woke up, Chris was there, the man in charge, my hero. Even while trying to wake up from anesthesia, I was overwhelmed at what an incredible man God has given me. I would not have wanted to go through this journey of life with anyone but him. He is "outstanding among ten thousand" (Song of Songs 5:10) and I feel blessed to call him my husband.
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