Word of God Speak

Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see Your majesty
To be still and know
That You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
Word of God Speak
lyrics by MercyMe

In May 2007, the new China Children Waiting List came out and a little boy was on the list. I, immediately, was drawn to him and noticed that he was being reviewed by two families, the maximum number of families that can look at a child‘s file. We went on vacation for our anniversary and when we got back, I looked to see if he was “On Hold” and to my surprise he was not. In fact, both families were no longer reviewing his file. I asked Chris if he wanted to look at his file and he said, “I know where this is going and what would we do with a boy when we have three girls.” What was weird about all of this was we had just had a conversation about adoption several months ago. After watching the movie, Amazing Grace, I had told Chris that I wanted to fight for the orphans in China. Then Chris said, “Well, I think we just need to go back and adopt another child.” It was funny. I was ready to fight but I was not sure I was ready to sacrifice.

A few days passed and Chris let me request information about the little boy. I had his medical file reviewed by a specialist and all other documents required before we are allowed to make a decision. I even called the translator about his name which meant “Beautiful Standing Grain or Cereal Seedlings”. I had gotten a different translation over the Internet and asked why would they name him after Grain. He told me that the English Translation does not do any justice to the Chinese translation. The meaning of his name inspires the image of being young, vibrant, and full of life, as a fresh green shoot sprouting up from the rice paddy which will grow beautifully. I thanked him but I just could not shake the meaning of his name.

After we had meet all requirements to make a decision, I called our agency to make sure that they had every thing they needed, this is, before Chris and I had really made a decision. When I went back to look at his picture on the web site, I noticed that it said “TWO families were reviewing his file.” I was shocked because I did not want to go against another family over the child when we were not even sure if we were ready to go back at this time. I asked the agency if the family was planning on pursuing him and she said she would call us back. I spoke with Chris and we both agreed that if the family decided to pursue him that this was our answer. I had prayed that no matter what we decided that Chris and I would be in total agreement.

Finally, we received the phone call from our agency that the family WAS going to pursue the little boy. They asked if we wanted to submit a bio so they could pray about which family would be best for the child‘s needs. I spoke with Chris and, without hesitation, we both agreed that we did not need to go against the family. Again, it was so weird because I had moved forward without any thoughts on the paperwork but when it came time to make a decision we both agreed we did not need to pursue him if the other family was going to. I wanted to make sure that the family had a heart for God and the agency said they did. After that, we told her we would not move forward. Our agency asked if we would adopt another child in the future and I said “yes”.

I really thought that this was over but several weeks later, I still could not understand what that was all about. In fact, I put my head on my desk and cried one night and asked God. God reminded me about what Chris had said in China when we went to go get Mali after being away from our children almost 15 days and hearing their tiny voices over the phone, night after night, wanting to know when we are going to come home. He said, “God would have to drop a bowl of rice from heaven and hit me in the head with it before I would come back to China again. This is it.” I TOTALLY agreed. It was just too hard of a trip. God also reminded me of the meaning of the little boy‘s name, "Beautiful Standing Grain or Cereal Seedlings“. Suddenly, I realized that the boy was the "bowl of rice" or more like, the bundle of rice from heaven that God used to hit us in the head. I was devastated because I really thought we had missed God’s will. In fact, I made all efforts to move forward with the paperwork for adoption so we would be ready for whatever happened next. After having no desire to start the process a few months ago, I was compelled to move forward with the paperwork and in October 2007, our dossier went to China.

After several new China Children Waiting Lists coming out over the following months and not feeling God lead us in any direction, I was confused and thought we had missed God’s Will. I also kept asking Chris if he thought we had missed God’s will and he said “No” and sometimes, “No!!!” I know I drove Chris absolutely crazy because I continue to question everything since we had no word or direction from God. Over the next months, I prayed over and over again, “Lord, please show your will. I want to know if we missed your will. Please, God, show me your will.”