Because He Lives

All fear is gone

Because I know

He holds the future

(photo sent by orphanage on 7/15/08)

Late Tuesday Night, I received an email from Joseph's orphanage. I was so excited because I had emailed them several times asking for a current photo and measurements of Joseph but there had been no response. In the email, they had given me his current measurements and said they would send a photo in a separate email. I thanked them and could not wait to see how much he had grown. All the measurements were in kilograms and centimeters and I was anxious to convert them to pounds and inches. I started with his weight which was 7.5 kgs and, suddenly, realized he weighed just 16.5 pounds. I ran and got his paperwork which was done in May 2007 and it showed he weighed 9 kgs or 19.8 lbs. He had lost 3 lbs!! I, literally, fell to the floor and sobbed. I kept saying, over and over again, "God, please help me" because I was so overwhelmed with fear for Joseph. The two things that came to mind were Chris said he wanted a baby and Joseph was the definitely the size of a baby. The other was a shirt that Chris had bought Joseph that read "Large and In Charge" with a bulldozer on it. I went back to the computer to convert the other measurements and saw that I had just received another email from the orphanage. It read, "We all love Guo Zhi" and included the photo of Joseph. When I opened the photo, I saw his bright eyes and his big smile. I stopped crying. I was so relieved to see that he was smiling but could not believe how small he looked at just 3 years old.

The next day, July 16th, was Chris' Birthday. Sami was so excited and wanted to decorate the whole house. She loves her Daddy and I loved watching her give everybody directions on what to do. After making him a card, she took quarters out of her Ladybug Bank and put them in the card. I knew Chris would love it! I decided to give the photo of Joseph, our little man with the big smile, to Chris as a surprise. Throughout the day, I was so worried about Joseph that I could hardly function and "The Large and In Charge" Bulldozer Shirt kept coming to my mind. I went to find the shirt and saw that Chris already packed it along with another shirt that said, "My Daddy saids I am keeper" (a fishing shirt), several different balls in all kinds of sizes, Joseph's little red Crocs and Chris' big tennis shoes in front of them. When I looked at Joseph's shoes compared to Chris' shoes, I could not help but think of how God sees us and how we see ourselves. I am focused on how small Joseph is now but God see the man who will , one day, walk in the big shoes.....A man, "Large and In Charge" for Christ.

When Chris came home from work, the girls ran to the door to wish him a "Happy Birthday"! They could not wait for him to see the decorations and open his gifts. When Chris opened my gift, I had attached a note over the frame that said "Your Son, Large and In Charge". Chris was shocked that we had gotten a picture of Joseph and loved that he was smiling. He commented about how small he was and I told him how much he weighed. Chris said, "Well, that is disturbing." Later, I motioned Chris to go to our room. The look of concern from Chris was all I needed to start crying again. I'am the one who tends to worry so if Chris is worried then I'am really worried. I started telling him about Joseph and how he had lost weight. When I stopped talking, I looked at Chris who is seriously pondering every thing I have said. Then with words of wisdom, he said, "That kid just needs an icecream cone". I was laughing so hard and crying at the same time. I just love that man!

That same day, I spoke with our pediatrician and asked him if he was concerned about Joseph. He said, "It is not unusual for a child in an orphanage to get that small and that once we brought him home, bonded with him, he would grow. It will probably take a couple of years for him to catch up but that he would catch up." He was right. I had forgotten how faithful God had been in all my girls lives because I had been so full of fear. "Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders you have done" (Psalm 40:5). At that moment, I knew I needed to quit focusing on how small Joseph was and start remembering how BIG our God is.