Trust In Me

I know that the questions are real

And the fears that you feel are strong

Still My heart is longing for you to try Me

You've got to trust in Me

lyrics by Charles Billingsley

Photo: The kids visit Chris at the hospital.

On Wednesday, December 15, 2010, I had to take Sami to the doctor to get her eyes checked. She had been telling me that she could not see clearly at a distance. I had made the appointment months before we had gone to China. Now I was wondering why I had scheduled it so soon after we returned from China. I could barely keep my eyes open so I decided I would read a book that I had received, Tortured for Christ, while we were waiting. This book definitely woke me up because it was about the life of Richard Wurmbrand who endured physical, mental and emotional torture during his imprisonments in his homeland of Romania for telling others about the love of Jesus Christ. While imprisoned, he would tell the other prisoners about Jesus even if it meant that he would be beaten and tortured with hot iron pokers or by other cruel means. He was also practically starved to death by only being allowed to have one piece a bread a WEEK. Many times, he would give his bread to someone who was suffering more than him. He also told how some of his torturers would tell him that they were the devil and have such joy as he cried out in pain. What was remarkable was that Richard would endure all of this and still have a strong desire to preach the gospel to others so that they might know Christ. I told God I didn't understand it. After reading how they were horrifically tortured, I just could not comprehend how Richard and so many others in the book had a desire to still continue to tell others about the love of Jesus Christ. I would soon learn that night that God would show me just a glimpse of how this was possible.

By that afternoon, I could hardly function since I had been up with Ian in the middle of the night again. I told Chris that I was going to take a thirty minute nap before we went to his mom's house for dinner. Chris never woke me up and took the kids himself to his mom's house. I woke up five hours later after hearing the kids return and couldn't believe that I had slept so long. Chris told me that he felt sick at his stomach so I went ahead and put the kids to bed. Within a few hours, Chris was on the bathroom floor in serious pain. When Chris mentioned that he wanted to go to the ER, I knew he had to be in some severe pain. Late that evening, I called my parents to come over to watch the kids. When we got to the ER, Chris' pain intensified even more and I was so thankful that this was not happening in China. They immediately brought him back to draw blood and had him drink a contrast in order for him to have a CT Scan. After he drank the solution, he had to wait two hours before he could have the CT Scan. They gave him pain medicine that was stronger than morphine so he could sleep. Chris' whole body relaxed then he slowly passed out. It was one o'clock in the morning and I thanked God for allowing me to be able to take such a long nap that day or I would have been in the bed beside him. While we were waiting, I remembered that I had left the book, Tortured for Christ, in my van. I decided to read it while Chris was asleep. As I was reading it, I looked up at Chris who was sleeping now. He had been in so much pain like he was being "tortured". I knew this was no accident that all this was happening right after we got back from China. We had been praising God for all He had done in our lives and there was no way that the enemy was going to allow it. He always tries to break your spirit and steal your joy so that you will no longer have the strength or the desire to want to praise God and tell others of His amazing love.

After the two hour waiting period, Chris went to have the CT Scan and the nurse told me that it should take only a hour for the results. Two hours later, I questioned why we had not received the results. The nurse told me that a surgeon had been called but that was all she could tell us. Finally, the surgeon, Dr. Winger, came in the room and told us that Chris had a blockage in his intestines but they had no idea what was causing the blockage. Chris mentioned that he had been having problems with his gallbladder but that the doctor he had been seeing had performed several tests and insisted that it was not his gallbladder. Dr. Winger decided to run a very thorough test on Chris' gallbladder but he would have to be off pain medicine for 4 hours. This was HUGE because Chris was in incredible pain. Dr. Winger also decided to have him admitted into the hospital that morning. During the next four hours, Chris threw up several times because of the pain but, by the grace of God, he made it and was ready to take the test. Because Chris was in a lot of pain, I wanted to be with him when he went down to have the test. The nurse told me that they would be coming to get him in a few minutes. I wanted to get a Sprite because I was so thirsty but I didn't have any cash on me. The cafeteria was downstairs and I could use my credit card but I knew I would not make it back in time before they took Chris for his test. I was hoping that I could scrape up enough change in my purse to get a Sprite from the Coke machine on our floor of the hospital. Every time I would questioned God about why He was allowing this to happen when we had just gotten back from China, He would say, "Trust Me." I decided that I was going to start by trusting God to give me something to drink before we had to go down to take the test. I thought maybe when I got to the Coke machine, I would have some change hidden in my purse that didn't know about. When I got there, I dropped my purse and began to search frantically for change. After I searched every nook and cranny of my purse, I stood up, stomped my foot like a little child and told God silently, "I knew it. You told me to trust You. You own the entire Universe and I can't even get a Sprite to drink." At that moment, a man enters and says, "Do you want to buy a drink?" and hands me two dollars. I am holding the two dollars in my hand and I am in total shock. I told the man, "You don't have to do that." He said, "Don't' worry about it. I want to buy you a drink." I could hardly talk trying to hold back the tears but I was able to say, "Thank you!" I looked at the Coke machine. It had Cokes in cans for seventy-five cents but the Sprites were in bottles and cost a dollar and twenty-five cents. God had the man give me two dollars so I was able to buy a Sprite. I was so overwhelmed with God's love for me. He was showing me that I could trust Him even for a Sprite to drink so how much more could I trust Him with Chris and all my other fears.

"My heart trusts in Him, and I am helped.

My heart leaps for joy and

I will give thanks to Him in song."

Psalm 28:6-7