How Great Is Our God

Sing with me

How Great is our God!

Lyrics by Chris Tomlin

On Sunday, July 20th, we were able to finally hold our beautiful baby boy in our arms. When he smiles, he looks so much like Sami did when she was a baby. He is precious and he can't get enough kisses which we are happy to provide. He also cannot get enough food and has not stopped eatting since we have been here. In the middle of the night, while he is sleeping, he will hold one arm on the crib and rock his head back and forth. I' am sure that is what he did to comfort himself. It is so hard to let him do it but if you try to stop it, he wakes up and cries. I keep whispering to him, "It is okay. Mama is here" but I know, like Lili, it will take time. When I cried about it, Chris said, "You would rock, too, if you had to stay in a crib for 3 years. He has been through a lot. " He has been in the crib for most of his days because he can barely walk and has a hard time keeping his balance but just like Mali, it will take time. And in God's time, He makes everything so beautiful (Ecc 3:11).

Because He Lives

All fear is gone

Because I know

He holds the future

(photo sent by orphanage on 7/15/08)

Late Tuesday Night, I received an email from Joseph's orphanage. I was so excited because I had emailed them several times asking for a current photo and measurements of Joseph but there had been no response. In the email, they had given me his current measurements and said they would send a photo in a separate email. I thanked them and could not wait to see how much he had grown. All the measurements were in kilograms and centimeters and I was anxious to convert them to pounds and inches. I started with his weight which was 7.5 kgs and, suddenly, realized he weighed just 16.5 pounds. I ran and got his paperwork which was done in May 2007 and it showed he weighed 9 kgs or 19.8 lbs. He had lost 3 lbs!! I, literally, fell to the floor and sobbed. I kept saying, over and over again, "God, please help me" because I was so overwhelmed with fear for Joseph. The two things that came to mind were Chris said he wanted a baby and Joseph was the definitely the size of a baby. The other was a shirt that Chris had bought Joseph that read "Large and In Charge" with a bulldozer on it. I went back to the computer to convert the other measurements and saw that I had just received another email from the orphanage. It read, "We all love Guo Zhi" and included the photo of Joseph. When I opened the photo, I saw his bright eyes and his big smile. I stopped crying. I was so relieved to see that he was smiling but could not believe how small he looked at just 3 years old.

The next day, July 16th, was Chris' Birthday. Sami was so excited and wanted to decorate the whole house. She loves her Daddy and I loved watching her give everybody directions on what to do. After making him a card, she took quarters out of her Ladybug Bank and put them in the card. I knew Chris would love it! I decided to give the photo of Joseph, our little man with the big smile, to Chris as a surprise. Throughout the day, I was so worried about Joseph that I could hardly function and "The Large and In Charge" Bulldozer Shirt kept coming to my mind. I went to find the shirt and saw that Chris already packed it along with another shirt that said, "My Daddy saids I am keeper" (a fishing shirt), several different balls in all kinds of sizes, Joseph's little red Crocs and Chris' big tennis shoes in front of them. When I looked at Joseph's shoes compared to Chris' shoes, I could not help but think of how God sees us and how we see ourselves. I am focused on how small Joseph is now but God see the man who will , one day, walk in the big shoes.....A man, "Large and In Charge" for Christ.

When Chris came home from work, the girls ran to the door to wish him a "Happy Birthday"! They could not wait for him to see the decorations and open his gifts. When Chris opened my gift, I had attached a note over the frame that said "Your Son, Large and In Charge". Chris was shocked that we had gotten a picture of Joseph and loved that he was smiling. He commented about how small he was and I told him how much he weighed. Chris said, "Well, that is disturbing." Later, I motioned Chris to go to our room. The look of concern from Chris was all I needed to start crying again. I'am the one who tends to worry so if Chris is worried then I'am really worried. I started telling him about Joseph and how he had lost weight. When I stopped talking, I looked at Chris who is seriously pondering every thing I have said. Then with words of wisdom, he said, "That kid just needs an icecream cone". I was laughing so hard and crying at the same time. I just love that man!

That same day, I spoke with our pediatrician and asked him if he was concerned about Joseph. He said, "It is not unusual for a child in an orphanage to get that small and that once we brought him home, bonded with him, he would grow. It will probably take a couple of years for him to catch up but that he would catch up." He was right. I had forgotten how faithful God had been in all my girls lives because I had been so full of fear. "Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders you have done" (Psalm 40:5). At that moment, I knew I needed to quit focusing on how small Joseph was and start remembering how BIG our God is.

When Loves Takes You In

Somewhere while you're sleeping

Someone else is dreaming too

Counting down the days until

They hold you close and say I love you

lyrics by Steven Curtis Chapman

(Photo taken May 2007)

On Friday, July 18th, 2008, we leave at 9:55 a.m. from Atlanta on Delta Flight 19 and land in Shanghai at 1:35 p.m. (China Time) on Saturday, July 19th. The flight is about 15 hours and 40 minutes. I call the flight and the thought of having to leave my children for 13 days my "labor pains". :) We should get our son, Joseph, on Sunday, July 20th and the adoption will made official on Monday, July 21st when we finish the Adoption Registration and Notarization. On Friday, July 25th, we will be able to pick up Joseph's Chinese Passport and get our notarial certificates. We will then fly to Guangzhou that same evening.

While in Guangzhou, we will complete the USCIS paperwork for our Consulate Appointment. On Tuesday, July 29th, we will go to the Consulate Appointment for our Oath Swearing Ceremony and get Joseph's visa. We will be able to leave Guangzhou and return to the USA with our son and unite with our girls on Wednesday, July 30th, 2008!!!!

PLEASE be praying for Joseph and for all of us. You don't know how much your prayers and words of encouragement mean to us. We love you all so very much and feel so blessed that you will be able to journey with us as we count down the days for God to bring us to our son and hold him in our arms.

You Are So Good To Me

You heal my broken heart
You are my Father in Heaven

You are beautiful, my sweet, sweet song

lyrics by Third Day

(Photo taken May 2007)

On February 28, 2008, almost 10 months from the day we were hit by a “small bundle of rice” , a new Waiting Child List was posted and I was drawn to a 2 year old boy named Guo Zhi Zhao who was born on June 4, 2005. He would turn three in just a few months. His special need was Paroxysmal Supraventricular Tachycardia and “low growth for weight/height”. I called Chris while he was at work to find out if we could get his information. He said that he was not there to look at the information but that he did not want to pursue an older child, he really wanted a baby and, again, told me that we would not know what to do with a boy since we have three girls with tons of girl toys, clothes, etc. I said okay but, again, was so drawn to the little boy that I did not know what to do. I called Chris again and gave him the information on the list and ask him what he wanted me to do since the only child I was drawn to was Guo Zhi. He told me, “Well, I guess it does not matter that the child is older and Sami has been wanting a brother.” Even so, at one point during the paperwork, I had asked Sami if she thought that we would have a girl or a boy this time. She totally surprised me when she said, “Mom, before time began, God had this child planned for our family." I cried because she was repeating what I had told them so many times and that God used her to remind me.

Well, I requested his information and the first thing I wanted to know was the meaning of his name. Guo means “country, state, nation” and was also the first name of our oldest daughter’s, Sami, Chinese name (Guo Jia Yuan). Zhi means “The Will”. I could not believe how God was so personal in answering my prayer when I kept asking “What is your will?” and then sends us this little boy, Zhi, “The Will”. It was like God was saying in His sweet, gentle way that this is My Will. I also realized, after I requested his information, that he was born in Shanghai and was placed in the Shanghai Welfare Institute on August 26th, 2005. Mali had also been born in Shanghai and was placed in the Shanghai Welfare Institute EXACTLY two years earlier, on August 26, 2003. In fact, he was there, exactly one month, when we went to get Mali at the orphanage on September 26, 2005. They also both had heart conditions as well. Mali had a VSD (a hole in her heart) and Zhi had tachycardia. It was another confirmation from God.

The CCAA (China Center of Adoption Affairs) was starting a new online system and would only allow 4 days for you to have the file reviewed by a specialist, get the required letter from your insurance company and make a decision. You are not allowed to make a decision unless the file has been reviewed by a doctor and you have a letter from your insurance company stating they will cover the child once they are adopted. When Chris came home from work, he saw his picture and said, “Oh, he is so cute.” He wanted me to take his information directly to our pediatrician and have it reviewed. I told him I could not drive it up there this afternoon because I was watching my friend’s kids and I would take it up tomorrow morning. He said, “I will watch them outside on the swing set. Just take it up there NOW and drop it off so he can look at it tonight!” I was totally in shock and, of course, I did it. The doctor said that he thought the tachycardia might be due to being malnourished but, of course, could not guarantee this and that his “low growth-weight/height” according to China could change totally with love and nourishment just like we had seen in Mali.

I told Chris the information from the doctor and once we received the required letter from the insurance company, he DEFINITELY wanted to pursue. I asked him what he wanted to do if the other family decided to pursue him and he said, “We take it before the agency. Let them pray about it and let God decide.” I totally agreed. I knew, at that moment, he was our son. Finally, on March 5, 2008, the agency called and said that they had prayed about their decision, over several days, and that they had chosen us as the family to pursue Guo Zhi Zhao. We were overjoyed and, on that day, Guo Zhi became Joseph Zhi. He was named after his Baba, Christopher Joseph.

Later, God did one more thing that was so personal and humorous to confirm that Zhi was our son. One of my friends, called and asked what we were going to name him. After I told her that his name was Joseph, she said that she was so surprised because she thought I would name him something that ended with an “i” like my other girls, Sami, Lili and Mali. We laughed about it and later after I hung up the phone, the Lord reminded me that his name does end in an ’I”, his middle name, Zhi. God is so good! I just love Him.

Many times, people ask me what we are going to do with a boy. Well, I just tell them the same thing that I felt God showed me. He reminded me that a lot of things my girls do, boys do. They swing, swim, ride bikes, play in the sand (we have a sandbox), go fishing (we have a small lake in our backyard), jump on the trampoline, play Wii, play chase and hide-n-seek. There is so many things that they can do together.

Just like Chris said, since we have three girls, we had nothing for a little boy….no clothes, no toys and no furniture. Well, we had a white twin bed but it looked more for a girl than a boy but I thought I could make it work. I just prayed and asked God if he would help me to find a cute chest for his clothes to go in. I could not believe it when, that same week, my sister-in-law, Brenda said that her husband, Quintin, had a client that was trying to give away boy furniture. The family did not want any money for the furniture since they had been blessed so much but only needed someone to come and pick it up that day. I called Chris to see what he would say and he was like “YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN PICK IT UP TODAY!” I am going to be honest even after God has proven, over and over again, to do more than I could ever imagine, I really expected this furniture to be beat up since it was boy furniture and that the boys had outgrown it. Well, I was so wrong. It was beautiful Broyhill furniture!!! The family gave us bunk beds, a dresser with a mirror, a shelf, a nightstand AND a chest. God did not just answer my prayer, for a chest…………thank goodness………but far exceeded anything that I could ever have imagined.

Oh, God also covered the clothes and the toys. My friend, Kathy Ragsdale, gave us some of her boy clothes and Chris came home with 4 bags of new clothes!!! He also bought toys, too, which include a Big Wheel and a John Deere Loader he can ride, cars and trucks-big and small and tools. Chris said every guy has to have tools even if they are plastic. I even went and got him a small train set. The whole room was completely full and we even had extra. God did not just give Joseph a bed but also gave us one extra since we were given bunk beds. Of course, I can’t help but think of the meaning of the name, Joseph, "May God Add Another". :)

Word of God Speak

Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see Your majesty
To be still and know
That You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
Word of God Speak
lyrics by MercyMe

In May 2007, the new China Children Waiting List came out and a little boy was on the list. I, immediately, was drawn to him and noticed that he was being reviewed by two families, the maximum number of families that can look at a child‘s file. We went on vacation for our anniversary and when we got back, I looked to see if he was “On Hold” and to my surprise he was not. In fact, both families were no longer reviewing his file. I asked Chris if he wanted to look at his file and he said, “I know where this is going and what would we do with a boy when we have three girls.” What was weird about all of this was we had just had a conversation about adoption several months ago. After watching the movie, Amazing Grace, I had told Chris that I wanted to fight for the orphans in China. Then Chris said, “Well, I think we just need to go back and adopt another child.” It was funny. I was ready to fight but I was not sure I was ready to sacrifice.

A few days passed and Chris let me request information about the little boy. I had his medical file reviewed by a specialist and all other documents required before we are allowed to make a decision. I even called the translator about his name which meant “Beautiful Standing Grain or Cereal Seedlings”. I had gotten a different translation over the Internet and asked why would they name him after Grain. He told me that the English Translation does not do any justice to the Chinese translation. The meaning of his name inspires the image of being young, vibrant, and full of life, as a fresh green shoot sprouting up from the rice paddy which will grow beautifully. I thanked him but I just could not shake the meaning of his name.

After we had meet all requirements to make a decision, I called our agency to make sure that they had every thing they needed, this is, before Chris and I had really made a decision. When I went back to look at his picture on the web site, I noticed that it said “TWO families were reviewing his file.” I was shocked because I did not want to go against another family over the child when we were not even sure if we were ready to go back at this time. I asked the agency if the family was planning on pursuing him and she said she would call us back. I spoke with Chris and we both agreed that if the family decided to pursue him that this was our answer. I had prayed that no matter what we decided that Chris and I would be in total agreement.

Finally, we received the phone call from our agency that the family WAS going to pursue the little boy. They asked if we wanted to submit a bio so they could pray about which family would be best for the child‘s needs. I spoke with Chris and, without hesitation, we both agreed that we did not need to go against the family. Again, it was so weird because I had moved forward without any thoughts on the paperwork but when it came time to make a decision we both agreed we did not need to pursue him if the other family was going to. I wanted to make sure that the family had a heart for God and the agency said they did. After that, we told her we would not move forward. Our agency asked if we would adopt another child in the future and I said “yes”.

I really thought that this was over but several weeks later, I still could not understand what that was all about. In fact, I put my head on my desk and cried one night and asked God. God reminded me about what Chris had said in China when we went to go get Mali after being away from our children almost 15 days and hearing their tiny voices over the phone, night after night, wanting to know when we are going to come home. He said, “God would have to drop a bowl of rice from heaven and hit me in the head with it before I would come back to China again. This is it.” I TOTALLY agreed. It was just too hard of a trip. God also reminded me of the meaning of the little boy‘s name, "Beautiful Standing Grain or Cereal Seedlings“. Suddenly, I realized that the boy was the "bowl of rice" or more like, the bundle of rice from heaven that God used to hit us in the head. I was devastated because I really thought we had missed God’s will. In fact, I made all efforts to move forward with the paperwork for adoption so we would be ready for whatever happened next. After having no desire to start the process a few months ago, I was compelled to move forward with the paperwork and in October 2007, our dossier went to China.

After several new China Children Waiting Lists coming out over the following months and not feeling God lead us in any direction, I was confused and thought we had missed God’s Will. I also kept asking Chris if he thought we had missed God’s will and he said “No” and sometimes, “No!!!” I know I drove Chris absolutely crazy because I continue to question everything since we had no word or direction from God. Over the next months, I prayed over and over again, “Lord, please show your will. I want to know if we missed your will. Please, God, show me your will.”

Jesus Loves The Little Children

All the children of the world
Red and yellow, black and white
They are precious in His sight
Jesus loves the little children of the world
lyrics by C. Hebert Woolston

In the Spring of 2007, our family went to Florida and we brought a kite to fly on the beach with the girls. When we got on the beach, there was no wind at all to take our kite up. I told the girls to pray and ask God to send the wind so that we could fly the kite. I also prayed that God would answer their prayer so they would see what a personal and powerful God He is. After we prayed, Chris, my husband, decided to try to get it up in the air but it only stayed up when HE WAS RUNNING. After several attempts of running down the beach with a Strawberry Shortcake Kite and the girls no where in sight, Chris decided to go and join them playing in the sand. Then I decided, I was going to get the kite up in the air so I ran as hard as I could and let the string out at the same time. I thought if I got it a little higher in the air, it would finally fly. Well, after several attempts of running in the sand and having to rewind 1000 feet of string , I was exhausted. I kept praying silently that God would send the wind but NOTHING happened…no wind, no little breeze, absolutely NOTHING. Then I decided to give it to another grownup, my Mom, because, of course, only a grownup is going to be able to get this kite into the air with no wind. After several attempts and my Mom nearly passing out, we laughed and I said, “This is what you call doing it in your own strength".

Finally, Sami came over and wanted to try. I said, “Sure”, even though I thought she would never get the kite off the ground since three adults could not. I told Sami I would hold the kite and gave her the string. I let the kite go, fully expecting the kite to fall to the ground, and Sami went two steps and GOD SENT THE WIND. She literally stood in place and let the string totally out and the kite flew and flew. The verse that came to my mind was "Be STILL and KNOW that I AM GOD" (Psalm 46:10). I was AMAZED. God knew that if He sent the wind when we, the adults, were trying to fly the kite, the kids and ourselves might have forgotten our prayer and how God answered it. Basically, we would have just taken the credit because of all our "hard work".

As I stood there watching Sami fly the kite effortlessly, I was reminded how easy it is when something is done through His strength and how God used a child to show His Great Glory. Later, the girls thanked God for sending the wind and I thanked Him for showing my girls what a powerful and personal God He really is.

Jesus Loves Me! This I Know

For the Bible tells me so

Little ones to Him belong

They are weak but He is strong

lyrics by Anna Warner

I never got to post on our blog for Mali, http://maliyue.blogspot.com/, after we got home from China. I thought I would continue where I left off on this blog.

When we got home, Mali, 2 years old at the time, adjusted like she had always been here. She got down out of my lap and began to play like she knew where everything was. She went to sleep the first night and slept through the night which is very rare because of the time change. She was the easiest of all three of my girls as far as adjusting to all the changes in her life. I was in shock to be honest. I was fully expecting it to be hard just because she was older than my other two when we got them and it took time for them to adjust when they first got home.

Well, Lili, also 2 at the time, decided she needed to take up the slack and fill in. Lili started screaming in the middle of the night not just once but several times throughout the night. Nothing could make her stop. Lili was angry that we had been gone for 15 days and then brought back a souvenir that she was not too happy about. It was fun in theory but not fun in reality. The fun was over and it was time for Mali to go….at least, out of her room. The sight of her was a constant reminder that she was not the only one in the universe nor the only one in her room. So Lili screamed. She tore up muffins to smithereens at breakfast and she did anything she could to rebel.

This went on for several days and I thought I had already reached my breaking point but I was wrong. Lili showed me that I could reach to even greater heights when she started screaming again in the middle of the night over and over again. After about the fourth time, I had had it. I was not going to have Lili run our lives. She was going to have something to cry about. As I jumped out of bed and darted toward her door, I started to burst out crying and asked God, “What do I do. I have tried everything.” I fully expected not to hear an answer right away and that would be all the silence I needed to go forward with my plan to show who really is boss but God DID whisper in my heart, “Just love her.” I thought, You have to be kidding! This can’t be God because God would know what a terror she has been acting like but I also knew it could not have been my thoughts. God’s ways and thoughts are higher than my thoughts (Isaiah 55:8). Well, I stood in the hallway because the last thing I wanted to do was love on her. Finally, I turned around and went back to my bed and Chris said, “I have been praying and I feel like God was saying that Lili just needs us to love her.” Of course, I started sobbing then I got up and went to her room. I took her out of her bed, prayed over her and sang to her. I would love to say that everything changed that night. We still struggled but over time, Lili began to realize that we loved her, that Mali did not take her place and then, eventually, she was able to love Mali.

I cry thinking that God with all his compassion and loving kindness treats us the same way. We can be angry, rebellious, turn our backs on Him when things don't turn out like we wanted them to but He is always there to pick us up out of the pit and just love on us. Even while we are screaming with our backs arched saying, "I won’t let you love me", He just holds us tight, draws us near and never lets us go.

Today, I am happy to say that Sami (7), Lili (5) and Mali (5) share a room. Sami sleeps on the top bunk of the Dollhouse Bed and Mali and Lili share a queen bed on the bottom and they love it! Sami even comes down and sleeps with them most weekends. I can truly say they love each other and share a bond like no other. Of course, they have their "moments" but don't we all. :)