Your Love

 

Your love is enough to light up the darkness
It’s Your love,

Your love,

All I ever needed is Your love

(Lyrics by Brandon Heath and Jason Ingram)

(Photo: Mom and Dad (aka Mimi and Poppy)

 

Mom’s oncologist told her that she would be put to sleep for the bone marrow biopsy that was scheduled on Tuesday, September 18, 2012. We both sighed in great relief and told him how thankful we were because the last biopsy was so painful for my mom especially since she has a compressed fracture in her lumbar spine due to the cancer. I guess from our reaction, he didn’t have the heart to finish his sentence which was that it was going to be a twilight sleep like the last time. In fact, we did not find out that she would be awake during the biopsy until the nurse was prepping mom for the procedure. At the time, my dad and I thought the nurse had the wrong information but soon realized that she was right. Of course, I didn’t even want to look at my mom because I thought she would be in a panic but when I finally had the courage to, she looked totally at peace. The nurse then informed us that that the doctor who would be performing the procedure would be in to have my mom sign a consent form and that we could ask any questions that we might have. Mom told us that she was okay and not to say anything about it to the doctor. I told her we would not but that I wanted to pray for her. I prayed, “God, please keep my mom from having any pain during the biopsy instead may she laugh today, belly laugh.” After I prayed, I wondered why in the world did I just ask God to make my mom belly laugh today right before she is going in for a bone marrow biopsy where she will not be put to sleep? Maybe I was the one who was suppose to be put to sleep.

A few minutes later, the doctor enters our area and introduces himself as Dr. STONE!!!!! If you read my previous blog entry, you would find that funny. I LOVE God’s sense of humor. After the doctor spoke with my mom, Lisa, the nurse who would be taking care of mom during the biopsy, came in and told me that she was going to take care of her and that she was going to make sure that she was not in any pain. I hugged her because I knew that God had sent Dr. Stone and her to let us know that He was taking care of everything. When my mom was wheeled away, I heard her laughing with the nurse and this is without any drugs at this point. An hour later, after the biopsy was over, my mom returned with her eyes closed, like she was ASLEEP, but with a SMILE on her face from ear to ear. I wish I would have taken a picture of it. It was hilarious! 

Later, I went and got my mom’s friends, Susan Rine and Joni Owens, who were waiting in the lobby so they could come and see her. We started talking about different things and we just kept laughing, belly laughing, including mom.  After mom’s friends left, the nurse who was getting Mom ready to leave the hospital laughed and said, “The nurses sent me in here to send you guys home because you all are having too much fun!” We laughed again.

When mom got home after the procedure, she did incredible. It was almost like we had never been to the hospital. Last time, mom was in great pain and it took several days to recover. Later that day, I called back to check on her and we laughed again about the things that were said and done at the hospital. It was not until that moment that I realized that God had answered my prayer because I had just been so relieved and amazed that Mom was not in a lot of pain from the procedure. God answered that prayer and did more than I could have ever imagined. He made my mom belly laugh on a day that she should have been in a lot of pain. “She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future” (Proverbs 31:25).

　
I forgot to mention that mom said that another doctor ended up performing the procedure and not Dr. Stone. It did not matter because I knew that God has used him to bring comfort to us before mom ever stepped into surgery. He was letting us know, once again, that He goes before us and that He is the Great Physician, Jehovah Rapha, the God who heals. His love, His amazing love, lights up our darkness and makes us laugh, belly laugh.
　
 

“The LORD, my God,

lights up my darkness.”

Psalm 18:28

 

King of Glory

His name is Jesus, precious Jesus,
The Lord Almighty, King of my heart,

The King of glory.

(lyrics by Mac Powell/music by Third Day)

(photo: 5 smooth stones)
 

"As you come to Him, the living STONE,--rejected by men

but chosen by God and precious to Him--

you are also, like living stones,

are being built in to a spiritual house."
 I Peter 2:4-5a

 

Dr. Bender, my mom’s oncologist, confirmed last week that mom did have multiple myeloma which meant that Mom had to learn about multiple drugs and make multiple appointments for MRI, bone marrow biopsy, chemotherapy and radiation. All and all, it was a mentally and emotionally exhausting day for my mom. And yet, we were so thankful to God that Dr. Bender told us that it was treatable and that he wanted to act quickly to get the cancer in remission. In fact, Mom’s bone marrow biopsy will be on Tuesday, September 18, 2012, at 9:00 a.m. Please be praying for her. Your prayers have meant so much to her and to our whole family.

On that same night, as soon as we got home, before we could even get our of the car, a man hands Chris a Summons in a Civil Action Suit involving a former employee. As Chris handed it to me, I told the kids to go inside and get ready for bed. As I began to read the lies and what they were asking for, I fell to the ground in fear and cried, “I can’t do this anymore.” Chris grabs my arm and yells, “That’s enough! Get up and stop crying!” I got up but decided to take my party to a new location, my bedroom closet, so that the kids would not see me. With the lights out, I fell to floor and cried again, “God, I can’t do this anymore. I need your help!” It was funny because I felt like God was saying to me, “That’s enough! Get up and stop crying!” and to my amazement, at that moment, I got up and stopped crying. “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD, your GOD goes with you; HE will never leave you nor forsake you” (Deut 31:6).  I still have my moments but, praise GOD, I am still standing in His strength.

This year has been a hard year, a year of tears. There seem to be a different "trial" every morning that would then wake me up every evening and paralyzed me with fear of the future. I would love to tell you that I have stood on the promises of God but instead I have walked around crying in fear that our “enemy” would destroy us even though God has shown His faithfulness in every circumstance that we have faced in this past year. Recently, while I was telling my children the familiar Bible story of David and Goliath in I Samuel 17, I suddenly realized that I was acting like the Israelite army who was paralyzed with fear that the enemy was going to destroy them. Goliath, a Philistine champion who was over nine feet tall, taunted GOD’s people, the Israelite army, “every morning and evening." He wanted the Israelite army to give him a man so they could fight each other. "IF HE IS ABLE to fight and kill me, we will become your subjects; but if I OVERCOME him, you will become our subjects and serve us" (verse 9). Before there was ever a battle, the Israelite army became slaves of fear, the enemy’s greatest tactic, as they were left “dismayed and terrified” each day (verse 11, 16). You see, Goliath means “great” and I believe that he represents great fear brought by the enemy in our lives. In fact, when David walked up to deliver food from his father to his brothers in battle, he hears Goliath’s "usual defiance” and wants to remove "this disgrace" but when Israelite army hears it again, they all ran from Goliath in "great fear" (verse 24).

David went to Saul, who was king, even though his brothers thought he was just being conceited, and told him, “LET NO ONE LOSE HEART on account of this Philistine; your servant will go and fight him.” Saul replied, “You are not able to go out against this Philistine and fight him; You are only a boy, and he has been a fighting man from his youth” (verse 26, 33). David told Saul, “The LORD delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear. HE will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine.” Saul said to David, “Go, and the LORD be with you" (verse 37).  He also tried to dress David in his own armor but David said,” I cannot go in these because I am not used to them” and took them off (verse 39). Instead, David "took his staff in his hand, chose five smooth stones from the stream, put them in the pouch of his shepherd’s bag and, with his sling in his hand, approached the Philistine" (verse 40). When Goliath looked him over and saw that he was “ONLY a  boy, he despised him, mocked him, cursed him and told him he was going to kill him (verse 42).

David said,” You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you IN THE NAME OF THE LORD ALMIGHTY, THE GOD OF THE ARMIES OF ISRAEL, whom you have defied. This day the LORD will hand you over to me, and I’ll strike you down and cut off your head. Today I will give the carcasses of the Philistine army to the birds of the air and the beasts of the earth, and the WHOLE WORLD WILL KNOW THERE IS A GOD IN ISRAEL. All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the LORD SAVES; FOR THE BATTLE IS THE LORD’S and HE will give all of you into our hands" (verses 45-47). As Goliath "moved closer to attack him, David ran quickly toward the battle line to meet him. Reaching into his bag and taking out A STONE, he slung it and struck the Philistine on the forehead. The stone sank in his forehand and he fell facedown on the ground" (verses 48-49). David used Goliath’s sword to cut off his head. "When the Philistines saw that their hero was dead, they turned and ran" (verse 51). Then Saul asked the commander of his army, “WHOSE SON IS THAT YOUNG MAN?” When the commander didn’t know, Saul said, “Find out whose son this young man is.” When asked, David replied, “I am the son of your servant Jesse of Bethlehem" (verses 55-56, 58).

Today, as believers in CHRIST, we are fighting an enemy that is trying to keep us paralyzed with great fear of the future because he knows his future when CHRIST returns and has great fear of it. “And the devil, who deceived them, was thrown into the lake of burning sulfur, where the beast and the false prophet had been thrown. They will be tormented DAY and NIGHT for ever and ever”(Revelation 20:10). This is why the devil is trying to deceive GOD’s people and trying to torment them day and night through fear in order to defeat them. But as my good friend reminded me when I felt defeated, “The Battle has already been won; we just have to believe it.” JESUS CHRIST was despised, mocked and "rejected by men but chosen by GOD" to redeem us from the curse as HE died for our sins and took our place. Three days later, an angel of the Lord rolled back the stone and the living STONE came out of the tomb, hitting the enemy square between the eyes and causing him to be facedown at HIS feet. “HE disarmed the spiritual rulers and authorities and shamed them publicly by HIS VICTORY over them on the cross” (I Peter 2:4, Col 2:15)

JESUS said, “In this world you will have trouble. But TAKE HEART! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). We overcome the enemy because of what JESUS did and by the “word of our testimony” as we let the whole world know there is no GOD besides Him (Rev 12:11). When we are afraid, HE wants us to trust in HIM not become slaves of fear (Psalm 56:3). JESUS “came to set the captives free” and “when the SON sets you free, you are free indeed” (Isaiah 61:1, John 8:36). “HIS perfect love drives out fear“, great fear in our lives (I John 4:18). We need to remember that HE delivered us from our past circumstances and HE will deliver us in this “battle” we face now. May we be strong IN THE LORD, standing IN HIS STRENGTH, and always keep on praying IN THE NAME OF THE LORD ALMIGHTY. May we never forget that JESUS is the Word and the Word is the "Sword of the Spirit" to cut off the head of the enemy (Eph 6:10-18; John 1:1, 14). When the enemy tries to remind you that you are not able, say out loud, but JESUS IS ABLE “to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to HIS power that is at work within us" (Eph 3:20). Don’t believe the lies of the enemy, that you are only a boy or girl, only a man or woman, only a father or mother, only a grandfather or grandmother. "NO, in all these things we are more than conquerors THROUGH CHRIST" (Romans 8:37). Believe this,” Yet to all received HIM, to those who believed in HIS name, HE gave the right to become children of GOD” (John 1:12). When people want to know after the "battle" is over, “Whose son or daughter that is?” Tell them, I am a child of God THROUGH JESUS CHRIST, the KING of glory. “Who is this KING of glory? The LORD strong and mighty, the LORD mighty in battle. HE IS the KING OF GLORY” (Psalm 24:8, 10).

He Said

 

I won't give you more, more than you can take

And I might let you bend, but I won't let you break

And No, I'll never ever let you go

Don't you forget what He said

(lyrics by Group1Crew)

 

For several years, my dad was having frequent deja vu along with memory problems.  I was hoping that there was a simple explanation.  Anything would do except for what the doctors were leaning toward.  In the summer of 2011, the doctors confirmed the diagnosis and mom tried to gently give me the news as she was also suffering inside.  The news that she came to know, little by little, day by day, as the disease slowly progressed.  I had been in denial and made it clear by my actions that I didn't want to hear of any "episodes" that were happening with dad.  Selfishly, I wanted to build a wall up to protect my heart from the thought of losing my dad.  On June 5, 2011, my ears were finally open to hear my mom say the words I had dreaded for so long, "The doctor said your dad has Alzheimer's."  A cry so deep, so raw came from the depth of my soul and shattered my heart into tiny pieces.  I wanted to pick up the pieces and put the wall back together to protect my heart but it was too late.  The pieces were too shattered and I could not begin to fit it back together.  My heart was so open, so exposed.  Could this really be happening?

After getting off the phone with my mom, I went outside to join Chris and the kids who were swimming in the pool in order to "drown my sorrows."  I picked Ian up in my arms and got on a float in the pool.  We had only been home for six months from China after adopting him in December 2010 and the pool was not his favorite thing.  He was terrified of the water even if you were holding him.  He preferred to stay on the ledge.  As I was sitting on the float, holding him close, Ian was screaming, full of fear.  I told him, "Ian it is okay.  I am right here.  You don't need to be afraid.  I am not going to let anything hurt you."  I felt God speak to my heart, "That is what I am trying to tell you.  You can see that nothing is going to happen to Ian but he doesn't see that.  All he can see is his circumstances and they look scary.  Even though you know that everything  is okay.  He doesn't and you are asking him to trust you as you hold him tight."  I told God, "I don't understand how this is not going to  hurt me." He said, "Ian can't either.  You just have to trust Me."  Even though I wanted to join Ian and cry out that I wanted off this "float" and put back on the "ledge" where it is safe, I knew that I would have to trust the One who loved and created me.  "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.  For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior" (Isaiah 43:2-3).  I would not throw my son into the waters and allow the waters to engulf him and neither would God allow "the waters" to overtake me. He would be with me as I passed through them.

One year later, on July 20, 2012, after taking swimming lessons with Miss Betsy Willis, Ian had a swim recital along with his brother, Joseph.  He would have to "dive" off the diving board and swim to the side in order to receive his "gold" medal. As I watched him walk up to the diving board, I thought my heart would burst with pride because I knew how afraid he had been of the water.  When he dove in and swam to the side, I clapped my hands and yelled louder than anybody.  At that moment, God showed me that just like I didn't remove the water from Ian but allowed him to learn lessons that would equip him to go "through the waters," God was doing the same with me and my family.  On August 31, 2012, my dad and mom went to the doctor again.  This time, it was not for my dad but my mom who had been complaining of back and stomach pain.  They were there to get the results of the CT scan.  I called my dad's cell phone to find out what the doctor had said and my mom answered sobbing. I cried out, "What's wrong?" and she answered through tears, "I have cancer."  There were no tears at first, just complete shock.  How could mom have cancer when Dad has Alzheimer's?  Aren't there "rules" about this?

The doctor told my mom that they would try to get her in to see a Hematology Oncologist that day.  Mom wanted me to go to the doctor with her and meet at her house.   When I got there, I asked God to help me to be strong in His power.  At first, I started asking questions.  With each answer, the tears would stream down my face.  I boldly prayed over my mom but then cried like a little child longing for her mother when it was over.  I wanted so desperately to be strong for my mom.  She even asked, "How am I suppose to take care of your dad if I am sick?"  We both cried because we didn't have the answers.  Later, God revealed to me that I had asked him for me to be the strong one in the family for my mom but He chose someone else to show His glory and power.....my dad.  You see, when my mom and I were having that conversation, Dad was DRIVING to Wal-mart to pick up her prescription in order to take care of HER.  When I got ready to leave, my dad stood at the window of  my van and told me, "I have been through this with my dad and my brother.  We just need to take the next step and get her treatment."  He was so strong as he said it, strong in the Lord. 

Over this past year, I have fasted and prayed for God to heal my dad.  God revealed to me that sometimes He answers in a way we don't expect.   I wanted God to instantly heal my dad but God wanted to show His power and glory by bringing him "through" it.  God's answer, His miracle, was just when we fully expected to be taking care of my dad, my dad was taking care of my mom.  God's ways and thoughts are so must bigger than ours.  He always does so much more than we can ever imagine. 

Today, I don't know what the future holds but I do know Who holds the future.  He will never forsake us.  He will never let us go.  He is the Miracle we long for.  He is the Answer to any problem we face.  He will equip us to go through "the waters" in order to come through the other side so our "faith—more valuable than gold, which perishes though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory, and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ" (I Peter 1:6-7).  The enemy wants us to break but may we break out in songs of joy for the God who will not allow us to break.  May we rejoice in what God will do in us, through us and never forget what He said.  

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;

 I have summoned you by name;

you are Mine."

Isaiah 43:1b